Building a Balanced Relationship... with your Phone
Building a Balanced Relationship... with your Phone
At a time where distractions are endless, the most urgent thing for most of us to do, is to somehow break free and actually arrive in the moment. Imagine actually being present at a dinner table without being compelled to check how many likes you got on that Instagram post. Imagine hours of deep productive work rather that hopping from inbox, to social media to online rescue cat browsing. Imagine looking at the people around you, whilst navigating rush hour streets, rather that watching a TV series on your phone and hoping the other commuters will clear a path for you!
As a self-employed person in the wellness industry, with no permanent base, mobile-tech is absolutely key to my career, but I’ve been working on building a healthier relationship with my devices. Here are a few strategies I’m playing with. All take work and perhaps a lot of brain re-wiring.
Tip One - Notifications Off!
There has never been a single pop-up notification I’ve ever received that has been urgent. Not one. And they don’t just notify us do they; they tempt us to press and explore a little bit deeper until the rabbit hole swallows us up. If we let these apps pull us in their direction, every few minutes there will be fewer and fewer moments of effective working and effective peace in your life, guaranteed.
The Practice - Turn off all notifications on all devices, except ones that may legitimately be used for emergencies e.g. phone calls. If you can’t let go of WhatsApp beeps quite that easily, perhaps at least mute most of the conversations except your closest friends/family and break free from those group chats! Where possible, press that big do-not disturb button - remember you can often allow calls from certain numbers to come through after a specified amount of attempts.
Tip Two- Work out intention and don’t deviate
Standing in queue? Get phone out. Walking busy streets? Get phone out. Sitting on the tube? Get phone out. Just made love? Get phone out…. Really? I think we might need to retrain our autopilot so that we stop automatically filling every empty moment with a screen. Let's enjoy the company of our our minds and not fear the slightest whiff of boredom.
The Practice - before you get out that device, take a split second to decide what you actually want to use it for. If there isn’t a need, leave in in your pocket. If there is a need, do that thing, then put device away. Simple as that.
Tip Three - Sacred spaces where tech is no-go
Given our globally, ever connected world, your phone could fill you with a blur of distraction and incessant work emails 24/7. Where do nurturing relationships, self-development or good literature fit around that? We need time away from our devices, but having them in our pockets and simply not using them can require quite a lot from our willpower. The most obvious way to remove the distraction of a phone when you want space, is to be as far as you can away from it; meaning far less willpower needs to be invoked!
The Practice - Decide the times or places when you want space from your device. Times where you know the device would offer nothing, but take away a great deal. My sacred spaces are my yoga mat and our bedroom (I bought an alarm clock!)
Tip Four - Distracting apps out of sight
Some apps are purely functional and no matter how much you want them to, they don’t bring the fun times and offer little by way of procrastination. I’m thinking; Google Maps, Uber, banking apps, stopwatch, calendars etc. These are the apps that go on the first page of my phone screen! The more distracting the app is the deeper it goes in to the belly of the phones and the more clicks I need to make to get to it, hoping somewhere along the way, I stop clicking.
The Practice - Put all of the boring, but useful, apps on the first screen of the phone. Put work apps on the second screen. Put the entertaining apps on the the third screen, in folders. Put the time-killer apps on the fourth screen, in a folder with a name like ‘Really…?” or “U sure…?” If you can bear it, maybe delete the app entirely and only use the associated service on a laptop/desktop browser. That’s one for the brave!
Tip Five - End of day closure
Our devices often keep our lives ticking over and we’re increasingly reliant on them. Along with emails and social. media, I’ll often have a list of task I need to to on my devices by the end of the day: ordering the brother-in-law a birthday card, making a last minute restaurant reservation for that anniversary or checking in for a flight. At some point, we need to be able to switch off, so once you realise you’ve done all you need, close off your online day and find some digital peace till the next morning
The Practice - At some point in the afternoon, make or remake a list of things you’d want to get done on your device, by the end of the day. Do those things as soon as possible and once the last one is done, put that device away unless there is an absolute, in the moment need, like ordering a Uber.
Tip Six - Screen and app time limits
When will power isn’t enough, your device can, with slight condescension, give you a hand. Speaking as an Apple user, their devices have a wonderful function (under ‘Screentime’) where you can set limits on usage time for individual apps and if you try to use it past that time, you have a choice of; not using it, going for 1 more min, 15 more min, or admit you have zero willpower and using it the rest of day, with guilt. I’m sure other phone operating systems have similar functions.
The Practice - My iPhone now stops me from using any entertaining or work related apps, including browsers from 8pm to 8am. I’ve also added a separate time cap on my use of social media apps. If there is something I absolutely need, in the black out hours, I go though the process of getting my laptop out, which normally involves me deciding I don’t actually ‘need’ that thing after all.
Tip Seven - Limit using you device for entertainment
You’d have thought that our wonderful devices, with all their functionality, would mean that we could get all of our work or life tasks done quickly, leaving us with more time for hobbies, socialising, reading and whatever else tickles your fancy, for entertainment . Turns out that we’ve ended up staying on our devices for watered down versions of all of the things above and that new found free time has somehow disappeared. If we can avoid picking up our device for shallow, quick hits of entertainment, we may be able to seize back our leisure time and use that to make the most of the short lives we have.
The Practice - be as deliberate about your ‘free time’ as you are about your ‘work time’. Recognise that you potentially have a good number of free hours, each day, to play with and then plan what you are going to do with them, as much as you might plan a work week. Start by writing down a list of all those things you’ve been wanting to do/read/see and work out how you can fit it in. With that increased focus on maximising the use of your free time, you might hopefully reach for your phone for entertainment, a little less.
Do I do all of the above? Hell no… but I’m trying; relatively hard, actually. The result is that I’m more present, attentive, calm and walk in to things less while, while navigating London.
“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”
If you’ve got more tips or strategies, pop them in the comments below.
Life's falling apart, but teachers gotta teach
Life's falling apart, but teachers gotta teach
Your life as yoga teacher is going wonderfully and so is everything off the mat. You’ve got plenty of love in your life, you own a comfy sofa and your Lulu leggings have never looked better on you. Now, I’m sorry to be Mr Pessimistic, but despite all your positive thinking and no matter how much you've sunbathed your crystals or built a connection with the universe, I’m afraid that easy road is going to become rocky at some point. People will die, relationships will deteriorate, you’ll say something stupid, injuries will happen and that’s just a taster. YTT school didn't tell you how to teach a yoga class, when you’ve ended up at the heart of a maelstrom, did it?
So why I am bringing the ‘bad vibes’ to your day? As yoga teachers we’ve chosen to make, at least a some, of our monies, from teaching yoga. Yoga pays our rent, it feeds us and, lets face it, unless we’re sitting on some gold or have backed ourself up with insurance polices, if we stop teaching, life is about to get problematic. Money, students and regular classes may well begin to disappear, if you do. We need to be equipped to do ‘our thing’, despite perhaps not being in the best place to do so. It's OK to still teach. We’re not superheros, but all of us are simply students who are probably a long way off completely elevating ourselves beyond the affects of the dark valleys and bright mountaintops of everyday life.
“being guilty about being blue and wearing a melancholic face is only going to give you anxiety issues on top of everything else”
In the first 3 months of 2017 I’ve had to ‘keep it going’ though quite a few metaphoric, punches in the gut. One of the finest men I’ve met, my father, passed away followed by my globally loved teacher, Michael stone. A relationship came to an final end and a road traffic incident, left me with a severely broken foot with plenty of ligament damage. On the periphery, I had the joys of stitches in my face, house moving, selling the home I grew up in and lots and of other curve balls. Its been borderline ridiculous. When Charles of Yoga Career Summit heard my sorry little monologue and discovered that I’d only stopped teaching for a week through it, he thought I might just have something useful to share with every other yoga teacher who needs to keep the ‘dollar’ coming in during the bad times.
First step on the ladder, is the acceptance of the situation you find yourself in and the emotions that are coming up from it. Despite what we read in our glossy magazines and self-help manuals, feeling a little crap is fine and being guilty about being blue and wearing a melancholic face, is only going to give you anxiety issues on top of everything else. I’m not saying indulge in your sad-self via a nightly Adele album & Gin combo, but do acknowledge where you find yourself and seek some help to navigate through it. That might be a counsellor, friend, family member or a taxi driver; they didn't agree to getting involved but are happy to jump on board with some advice. Continuing to teach public classes wont make you an imposter yoga teacher who isn't as enlightened as they should be; you’ll just be a yoga practitioner who is working through a challenging situation, just as you might be working towards that challenging press in to handstand.
Next, lets talk about the practicalities, especially when it comes to the physical issues. Work out your commitments and break down what happens if you cant fulfil them e.g. loss of money, reputation, future opportunities or just missing a really cool event. Next step is for some ‘out-of-the-box’ thinking as you work out how you feasibly could fulfil those commitments. As examples, let me throw some of the problems and conclusions I tried to balance out this year:
Problem 1 : The London Underground on crutches is not a place that’s fast or sympathetic; how can I get to classes?
Solution 1: Spend money on Uber’s between classes. It will cost a load, but I’ll still make me more net profit than sitting at home
Problem 2: I don’t want my crutches to land on someones fingers in down dog or groin in savasana; does my insurance cover that?
Solution 2: Be open with studios. If I demonstrate my verbal instruction skills, I can persuade studios to let me teach from the luxury of a chair. Its worth a go at least!
Problem 3: I cant fly to Sweden and teach a handstand workshop to 100+ people at Yogagames Stockholm can I?
Solution 3: Sure I can. Nothing wrong with my hands and I can suck up my pride and ask my mates Marc Hatvani and Celest Pereira to in for support. First to get a Dr’s note, so I can get on the plane, but don't tell them the plan.
Problem 4: If i don't do strong asana or exercise am I going to put on weight and loose all of my ‘party-trick poses’?
Solution 4: Probably. You can get over that
Problem 5: The circumstances during and following on from the bereavement, alongside everything else, are requiring lots of time and emotional energy.
Solution 5: See a counsellor, talk it out, have some coffees, eat good food, sleep when you can and accept its going to be a hard slog for a little while. When there an opportunity to do something worlds away from the stresses, even a game of bowling on 1 leg, then grab it.
We’ve got the the stage where you've coped well and your mitigations have helped avoid escalation of drama! Now time to look forward and work out how you can begin to rebuild and thrive. Before you time travel to the future, look back on the lessons you can take. My ego has certainly taken a useful beating; falling over on wet pavements and crawling around naked in a public shower with a condom around your cast will do that. My ability to teach for 2 hours sitting down on a spinning stool has done wonders for my verbal skills. I’ve learnt to appreciate that life is ephemeral and anything can be lost in an unexpected moment, so I will savour every second of the life I have and use all the opportunities and gifts available to me.
So its now time to seize that future and come back to your A game; which might be a little different to your A game a year ago, but hey-ho, thats life! For me, taking hold of my future mainly involves pistol squats as I strengthen my foot, with the aim of making it so tight, that it doesn't matter that my lisfranc ligament has gone!
“the waves will keep throwing you up and down, but eventually you’ll learn to surf ...... or at least paddle”
Good luck with your journey back up to the mountain top. You’ll travel though a valley again. Maybe it will appear from the mist and take you be surprise or maybe you see it from miles away. Either way, that next valley wont seem so deep and the trek out will be less arduous. The waves will keep throwing you up and down, but eventually you’ll be able to surf……. or at least paddle.
Photo Alessandro Sigismondi
If you want to hear me talk more about this topic, I’m doing so online at the Yoga Career Summit. If anything evers get too much, give the Samaritains a call on 116 123 (UK) or 1 (800) 273-TALK (USA).
Thanks to the studios and events that gave me the chance to continue teaching, the friend and family that were there and thank you to my teachers Jason Crandell & Michael Stone, for the tools they've give me.
Poses to Unlock the Office Hunch
Poses to Unlock the Office Hunch
It been said that ‘sitting’ is the modern-day smoking. We spend our days crouched over our desks, phones, newspapers, G&Ts and even our bikes. Logic would dictate that if we spend a huge amount of time in a particular shape, it's probably going to affect our posture, and maybe give us a few aches and pains along the way. It’s time to mobilise the spine, open the chest, and strengthen the back. Here are my top tips to combat that office hunch...
You can do these stretches at home, or even at work (if it won't result in an awkward meeting with management), to help combat your desk-bound daily life.
Open Your Chest
Find a wall and place your hand about 20cm above shoulder height with your fingertips pointing back. Start to turn your chest away from your hand to create opening, especially across the pec minor, and savour for a glorious 20 seconds. For even more joy, bend the knees, or take the opening to new parts of the chest by trying a few different arm angles.
Strengthen Your Back
Weakness in you mid and upper back means your shoulders will tend to slouch forward. You might not enjoy this (!), but bend your legs, take your pecs to your knees then straighten and lift your arms higher than the ears, palms facing in - hold it! Remember the feeling of the muscles engaging when you next sit tall. For an extra challenge, get on to tip toes too.
Shoulder Opening
Take one hand over your head and behind you to the spine and the other down past your waist and behind – try to clasp your hands at your back. If they don't meet, hold your top or a strap. Gradually bring your elbows toward the centre line without your back bending, or moving your chin down! Hold for 30 seconds, in any seated position – this is great after a good arm session in the gym too!
Spinal Twist
Give yourself some space and stand with your legs wide, so your palms can just about touch the floor when you fold forwards. Try to keep your spine parallel to the edge of your mat as you twist through the spine and raise one arm to the sky, turning chest and arm congruently. Making sure you keep each side of the neck long, turn you gaze towards your top hand, ensuring you can see it with your bottom eye.
Reclined Chest Opening
Now for a more enjoyable one. Place something firm but comfortable, like a yoga block or firm pillow between you shoulder blades. Turn you palms up, let your legs release, allow your chest to open and your torso to relax – call it ‘opening your heart to the universe’ if that’s your thing! For something more subtle, use a rolled up 'cigarette shape' blanket, down the whole spine.
